You absolutely must have the courage to love yourself enough to get out of toxic relationships. You may be in a relationship that is so toxic that you don’t even realize the high level of toxicity because you’re so deep in it.
I know exactly what this is like because I was married to a narcissist for years, and on this episode, I’m going to share spiritual insights with you on how to get that narcissist out of your life and how to dissolve the patterns that are attracting these types of people to you.
Don’t be afraid – be your own savior! It’s time to attract healthier people in your life.
- Why many empaths and light workers attract narcissistic lovers
- Doing investigative work on yourself
- Being vigilant about everybody in your life
- Take a step back and observe
- Athena’s experience with being in a toxic marriage
- The awareness that has not been awakened yet in others
- Why you need to put yourself first
- The trap that society created that leaves you unaware
- The psychological game that your narcistic lover is playing with you
- What you need to do to stay sane
- Living in a mind warp of constant negative projections on you
- The way in which you keep giving your narcissistic lover permission to mistreat you… and what to do about it
- Becoming more emotionally developed
- Stop trying to get love from a narcissist
- One of the biggest reasons why you keep staying stuck
- You are your own savior
- Don’t be afraid to get out of the relationship
- Start doing the inner work
- Not letting anyone make you feel like you need them more than you need yourself
- How to attract healthier people in your life
Transcription: (Click Here to Download a PDF Copy of This Transcription)
I harmonize in order to survive, modeling instinct. I seal the store of life force with the galactic tone of integrity. I am guided by the power of universal water.
Welcome to episode 38 of the Cosmic Celebrity Podcast, here at athenalucene.com. On this episode, we’ll be talking about spiritual detox from your narcissistic lover. You’ll also receive intuitive energy healing and divine downloads that will naturally realigned you to the natural frequency of your unique energy pattern.
You’ll also receive information that is going to be life changing, specifically if you are in a situation where you feel like you’re in this emotional feedback loop on a roller coaster ride with the person who’s supposed to love you the most – your spouse, your lover, a boyfriend, a life partner, right? A boyfriend or girlfriend.
And you’ll also receive just more inspiration towards how you can naturally realign to your divine essence, your cosmic celebrity, awaken and connect more to your spiritual essence and your spiritual centeredness, right?
That’s what I call your cosmic celebrity. We’re all cosmic celebrities, more and more as we connect spiritually and profoundly to our inner being, our inner spirit, right? When we have blossom our inner spirit and live soulfully with purpose and joy and happiness and in states of absolute abundance, absolute non-negotiable abundance.
A More Direct Approach
So, usually on my podcasts and when I speak, I’m usually very optimistic and come across over optimistic sometimes to some people. And that’s okay. I’m more and more realizing the need to speak to you a little bit more directly, and less “airy fairy,” as some may call it, right?
Because the frequencies, the higher frequencies of peace and love and joy and acceptance and optimism and a state of, all is well, and everything is always working out for you… Persons mistake that for being in denial or being in a state where you’re not connected to quote unquote, the physical reality of the life experience you’re having, the physical experience, I should say, that you are partaken in simultaneously.
And I don’t want to talk as airy fairy on this specific episode so much, because I’m realizing that so many of you are struggling to integrate and have that emotional balance, because not only do you not know who you are and your value and your worth and how special your spiritual giftedness is, you also have persons in your life that are very toxic and the relationships are dysfunctional and even worse, you have persons like a lover, a spouse, a life partner, someone who is supposed to be the closest person to you that is absolutely toxic to themselves and toxic to you.
And this is serious because many of you, like me at one point, are in this pendulum swinging emotional roller coaster ride trying to figure out what’s wrong with you, what is it that, about you, that is creating a dynamic of unhappiness despite how much you are truly seeking and desiring the connection and the fulfillment and the happiness in the co-creation of this relationship that society tells you should be so blissful and happy and wondrous.
Why You’re Attracting Narcissists
And, I am not a medical doctor, but I’m here to offer you the spiritual insights for narcissism. Now, there are many types of narcissism, and we’re not going to go into details with all of them, but the gist and the general idea, especially for you empaths and you light workers and you light beings, who just radiate a really pure loving energy, you tend to attract these narcissistic lovers. Because partly, and I hate to say this to you and I say this really lovingly, but partly because there’s something or there is a misalignment within you that really creates a situation where you are codependent on your narcissistic lover, right?
So, there’s a part of you that don’t believe that you deserve love, and that you’re worthy of a healthy, satisfactory relationship. So part of this is to do the investigative work, to find out where did you learn patterns of dysfunction and behavior?
Where did you learn that it is okay to not be treated and absolutely adored and treated with the highest level of respect and love and kindness and gentleness? Is it that you are not loving and kind and gentle with yourself?
And I really want to challenge you with this because sometimes it’s necessary to do that, because once you get to a level of self-love and self-worth and being deeply in love with yourself, you won’t allow these narcissists in your life. You will not allow anybody who’s unhealthy in your life, because you love and value yourself too much.
So, the first thing I want to offer you is this: I want to offer you that, examine how you treat yourself and how you truly feel about yourself. Because part of that energy, that misaligned energy, is what is attracting your narcissistic lover to you.
I also want to offer you compassion and love because I recognize that there is levels of unawareness to all this that is creating this in your life. All you know is that there’s massive confusion, a lot of back and forth, a lot of uncertainty, a lot of pain, a lot of suffering, a lot of crying, a lot of worrying in some cases, physical abuse, as well as the emotional and the psychological abuse.
And I also want to say to you that it’s okay for you to take a step back and for you to really observe.
Being Vigilant About Everyone in Your Life
First of all, especially you empaths, when you’re in this relationship or when you’re in any relationship with a lover – whether it’s at the early stages where you’ve just met this person, you two are just getting to know each other – At what point do you put your guard down, right?
Society gives you all these scripts. There’s all these romance novels, there’s all these romance movies and all of a sudden it’s like you trick yourself or enchant yourself into thinking that the way that you’re thinking the romance is going to turn out and continue to unfold is how it’s going to be. And that’s not necessarily true.
You have to continually be vigilant about everybody in your life.
It’s like, all of a sudden it’s like I know that persons have been telling me they noticed a shift in me, and I’m recently divorced and I believe that I was in a very toxic relationship.
Actually, I’m in the very clear knowing that I was in a tremendously toxic relationship, a marriage of 13 years, and it took me a long time to realize just exactly how insidious and toxic it was. And it wasn’t until I was no longer in that situation that I’m seeing each and every day how toxic it was, and why it absolutely needed to end it and why that dynamic needed to change ASAP. Like, right away.
So basically, if you take the time to really stay vigilant, ongoing, not just once you get married or once you’ve been with someone for a long time and then all of a sudden you’re just so open and trusting to them, I’m sorry, I know society has told you that yeah, you should be open and honest and loving with your lovers. And yes, I’m not encouraging you to lie to your lover, but have a little mysticism about you.
Don’t share everything about you. Why is it that you feel that you need to share everything about you, every thought, every internal dialogue? Be a little bit mysterious and be vigilant about the persons who you are having as lovers and spouses in your life.
Look for consistency. Observe, how do they treat you? How do they treat others? How did they treat you in the first year? How are they treating you in the fifth year, the 10th year?
Because people are always evolving and changing, and unfortunately there are people that will take advantage of you and people that will just take you for granted and feel that you’ll always be there, because people have … And this includes all of us, right?
And then as our awareness, our self-awareness grows more and more, we become better empowered to show up as better and better versions of ourselves. But, it’s human nature to be selfish, right?
And there is so many persons who are having or engaging in life with very little awareness levels, right? And so they consciously and also unconsciously behave in ways that would make absolutely no sense to you. And I believe it’s because there’s a level of awareness that is just not awakened as yet.
Setting Boundaries and Loving Yourself
And so, you have to be awakened to your life. You have to be responsible for your life and set the requirements and set the boundaries of how you’re going to be treated. And you have to be the one to really stand powerfully in love with yourself, first and foremost.
Forget what society told you about putting other people before you and selfless service and all that. It’s a trick. It’s a trap. Do not do that!
Because when you put other people before you to a point where you’re not aware of how you feel, how you’re processing your life experiences, and it’s easy to get lost in this, putting other people first, not really checking in to see how you feel. And before you know it, you are lost in this relationship.
It’s like you don’t even matter in the relationship. And all that matters is this person and trying to figure out this toxicity, although you don’t even know the level of the toxicity because you’re in it.
So now your whole world becomes trying to figure out how you can work out your marriage, what you can do better, how you can avoid conflict, how you can avoid arguments that is absolutely inevitable. Because the bottom line is that this narcissist that’s in your life is so spiritually disconnected with themselves that they will never be able to fulfill you with the kind of love and level of appreciation, the level of respect, the level of cherishing you that you absolute deserve.
So, it’s a matter of you realizing that this person is not in the relationship to love you and nurture you and add to all that you already are and encourage you in positive ways to keep shining and radiating your light.
They hate that. They love your light, but they hate it because they can’t control and manipulate it.
The Narcissist’s Mission
See, it’s a game. It’s a psychological game that is being played with you on a whole other level, because when you step out your house and there’s other people out there who are playing psychological and emotional games with you to get what they want from you, that’s one thing. But then when you live with a person like that, with that kind of mindset, that kind of mentality, that kind of sick psychology around you, now you’re questioning your sanity. You’re questioning your perceptions.
And when somebody starts getting to a point where they get under your skin, and you’re actually questioning your own perceptions and how you feel about life and how you feel about people and second guessing and doubting yourself, you are guaranteed to end up in a nut house. Okay? You will become insane.
And I promise you that if you have someone around you, if you’re opening up your mind and opening up your psychology and being completely susceptible to what you are being fed, which is garbage, self-poisoning, that you’re not worthy, that something is wrong with you, that you’re not good enough, that you’re not skinny enough or you’re not pretty enough, or you’re not handsome enough, sexy enough, attractive enough, and you live in this total mind warp of constant negative projections on you. Because this person doesn’t love themself.
This person feels inferior. This person has one mission in life, and that is to make you feel bad, tear you down and make you feel insane, make you feel crazy, try to put labels on you.
But listen, no one can put a label on you without your permission. So it’s time to stop giving your narcissistic lover permission to berate you, to put you down to tell you or give you labels such as, you’re crazy, or you need to fix yourself, or you need to go this or go do that… but on the same token, they’re not working on themselves.
They don’t even care about their own selves to even work on themselves and try to be a better person as every human being is here on this planet to evolve and to grow and become a better and better person and to become more emotionally developed, more integrated and healthy contributing adults in society and on the planet and in the universe, right?
So, stop trying to figure it out. Stop trying to figure out why your marriage, your relationship is toxic with this person, because trying to figure it out is what is keeping you stuck.
You don’t care why somebody is treating you like crap. All you need to know is that somebody is treating you like crap. Someone is not appreciating you. Someone is outright going out their way to hurt your feelings, going out their way to make you feel less than, going out their way to make you feel as if you are not valuable and cherishable and special and loving and all of these wonderful things that you know that you are.
You are the first one to help someone. You’re the first one to try to encourage someone and pick them up and uplift them and help in any way that you can. Overextending yourself even. So why then would you allow someone to tell you that you’re not a good person?
Stop trying to get that person’s love because they don’t even deserve your love. They don’t deserve it, so stop trying to give it to them. They don’t want it.
They don’t even have self-love for themselves. They don’t even understand what healthy love is, and the best thing that you can do is detox them out of your life. Detox them out or your life like it’s nobody’s business. Detox them out of your life as if you had the biggest epiphany in your whole life.
These people will tear you down. These people will gossip about you, slander you. They will stab you in the back. They will use you, they will abuse you and then they will try to turn and poison everybody’s mind against you until you have absolutely no one except for yourself, which is a blessing in the whole situation, because many of you are awakening to a level of self-discovery, self-love, self-appreciation, where you’re starting to realize that all you need is you.
Relationship With Self Comes First
Just like I realized, all I need is me. Every relationship is secondary to my relationship with myself. Even with my seven-year-old son, my relationship with myself comes first.
And I had to reshape and reprogram that societal programming and limiting thinking that everybody needs to come before me, that my kids need to come before me – I should say my child needs to come before me. In your case, society has programmed you that your children needs come before you, but if you are not nourished and fortified and feeling your wellness and your aliveness and your divine essence and experiencing yourself in an emotionally balanced and psychological healthy way, what good are you to your children or to anybody else?
You must come first to you. Your relationship with yourself is the absolute most relationship. And I will stress that on in every single podcast, on every single platform that I speak on, in every content that I write, because everything starts with self.
So start loving yourself and appreciating yourself and stop with the madness already, right?
Stop putting other people before you, and especially people like your narcissistic lover that’s treating you like crap. Okay? The narcissistic lover that sucker punching you every time. Well guess what? They can’t sucker punch you if you don’t give them permission to.
You give them permission because you keep running behind them. You keep calling them, engaging in these emotional warfare, emotional and psychological warfare, that you have no way of winning cause they don’t care. You’re full of empathy and compassion and they have none. You can never win when it comes to a narcissist.
The only way you can win is to literally bail on them before they get to bail on you, because they will bail on you.
When you are drained and you are depleted and there’s nothing else to use you for and take from you, and there’s nothing else to get from you because they’ve gotten every last bit of your energy, they going to bail on you.
They’re going to bail on you, and they’re not going to appreciate you and they’re not going to tell you, thank you. They’re not going to tell you, “Oh my gosh, I apologize for treating you so badly,” because they don’t care.
They’re in your life to break you, not love you. And the faster you realize that, the more your life will start becoming… Be super charged on a trajectory of just more happiness and inner contentment. Get your narcissist out of your life.
Don’t talk to them. If you’re not married to them, all the better. If you’re married to them, you’re going to have to figure out a way to strategize and get your divorce and do what you have to do.
And normally, I’m not saying, like … You know, I’m all for love and things like that, but healthy love. It’s all about healthy love.
Haven’t you had enough suffering in your life? Haven’t you had enough heartache and pain and haven’t you cried to your bed, to yourself to bed, cried yourself to sleep enough times? Haven’t you prayed about the same thing for year after year after year after year?
What if you’re your own savior with this? You are your own savior. You are. You have to decide that you’ll value you. You love you. You are not afraid of being alone. It’s all psychological – mind over matter.
You don’t need anything or anyone outside of you. You need to feel full and whole and complete and fulfilled within you first and start observing more. Just start observing all around you more, right?
So, and I know that this may be triggering many of you because it’s coming across like I’m blaming you for the way somebody else is treating you, and actually I am in a way. Because nobody can treat you any way without your permission.
You have to love yourself. Please love yourself. Spend time with yourself. Take the time if you didn’t do it when you were younger, if you’re older.
Take the time now, if you are of a certain age, you know when you’re younger, maybe when you are at that time, when you are just new to life and in adulthood and things of that nature, just take time for you and you will see, I promise.Your inner magic will start shining and radiating.
How to Start Attracting Healthier People to You
When you love yourself, when you have healthy expectations and boundaries for yourself, and when you start looking at yourself as the beautiful divine being that you are, and when you start allowing yourself to be uplifted and not tolerate anybody who speaks negative of you or makes you feel bad after the interaction, you’ll see how your life will literally start to blossom.
You will start shining. You’ll start feeling happy. You’ll start attracting healthier people to you who are going to treat you with the love and the respect, and there’s nothing wrong with being that person for you, in the meantime, until you’ve created a new circle or a circle that is healthier, that is complimentary to the new frequency of self love that you’re vibrating at. So I challenge you to just do that.
I’m not going to stay long on this episode. I think that I’ve said everything that I need to say. You know the sadistic stories, they’re endless. You know all the things that your narcissist has done to you.
You’ve heard stories about other people, you’ve read it online, you’ve read it on Google, you’ve seen YouTube videos of all these narcissist stories and horror stories and the behaviors that narcissists has displayed to other people.
So, you know, so now start voting for you, right?
I love how Iyanla Vanzant … She’s one of my favorite authors, and I love how she said, “Vote for you.” You must vote for you. I don’t know if she coined that statement, but I know she’s said it many times, and it’s the first time that I’ve ever heard it, is when she said it. When she said, “vote for you.”
I’m telling you to just start voting for you. I’m with Iyanla – vote for you.
You must love you. You must have the courage to love you. And I know many of you are afraid of being alone, but being alone is so divine. Being alone is divine because when you alone, you start recognizing things about yourself and noticing strengths that you didn’t even know you ever had. You start realizing things about your gifts. You start realizing how beautiful and magnificent your own energy is, and you start getting light up and you started getting excited about that.
And then all of a sudden you start getting creative ideas about the fun things you want to do and experience in your life and the type of people you want to be around. And you start getting clarity about more and more about what your purpose is, how you can use your gifts to be a blessing to other people in a greater way. And all these wonderful things and ideas and creativity and the expansion of your imagination starts to unfold, but you have to give yourself a chance for that by first voting for you.
Do The Inner Work
So, I want to hear from you. If you’re in a narcissistic relationship, I want to hear from you. I want to support you. I want you to reach out. I want you to share this podcast in the spirit of love. I want you to really feel the energy of empowerment and strength, and I really want to facilitate a healing for you so that you can get to that next level, so that you can start healing, so that you can dissolve the patterns that are attracting these types of relationships to you.
And many of you are afraid to be alone. Many of you are afraid to go awhile without being in a relationship. You don’t have to be in a relationship with other people, right? You can be in relations with yourself.
And I know that this may sound easier said than done, because some of you are married and there’s children involved, and I’m telling you it’s going to take a greater level of courage, absolutely. But it’s not going to get better; it’s going to get progressively clearer of how abusive your partner is, right?
And psychological and emotional abuse is the worst, right? Because it’s like you can’t see it. You can’t see it, and anybody can be emotionally manipulated. So, this has nothing to do with being … Whether you’re smart or you’re stupid.
Literally, if you put anybody, right – the brightest of brightest person in a certain environment – anybody can be manipulated. Anybody, especially when you have your guard down, because you have given someone who you love, access to you, access to your psyche, right? Access to your inner thoughts and dialogues and you share things with them in a space where you think it’s going to be cherished, where you think it’s going to be protected, but they use that against you.
They use your weakness against you, they use your insecurities against you, so you have to love yourself first. And I can’t stress that enough, and I think I have stressed that quite a lot on this episode, but I just want you to start thinking.
Start journaling. Start talking less. Be quiet, stop sharing. Just be quiet and observe and ask questions and think about it.
If someone is dismissive of you, if they don’t want to see you or hear you, if they don’t want to … If they don’t care how you feel, even though you’ve expressed many times that the way that something that, or a behavior that they’re exhibiting, that you don’t appreciate it and they keep doing it, that means they don’t care about you and they’re showing you.
Forget what people tell you, it’s all about what they show you. You’ve heard the saying, actions speak louder than words, right? Actions speak louder than words. So their actions are saying they don’t care. And many of you, it’s gotten to a point where they outright are blatantly disrespectful, where they even verbally telling you they don’t care. You know, swearing at you, putting you down, calling you names.
So I don’t need to keep this podcast, keep elongating it and keep saying the same things over and over again. I just want to plant that seed so you can start thinking about what a healthier self love looks like.
I want you to start thinking about, why are you so codependent? Why you feel a need to be treated badly? Because some of you, you feel that that’s what you deserve.
So, start doing the inner work. Start writing. Start sitting quietly, start meditating. Start some self-care that’s going to start you on a road to a better expression of self love. And more importantly, the absolute knowing of your deserving and your worth of truly experiencing love and the type, first and foremost with yourself. Because when you are in love with yourself, you’re always with the person you love. So be in love with yourself and grow in love with yourself more and more every single day.
So, I’m Athena Lucene, and I am a galactic beacon of love and light, expanded consciousness. I came to this earth planetary construct as a spiritual guide and as a conscious light, navigating you and helping you to the journey of remembrance of who you truly are. And back to the universal oneness, right? Back to the oneness of starting with yourself and radiating into the collective oneness.
So, share this podcast in the spirit of love. Like and share, comment, and share this podcast with everyone that you think can benefit from this, and we can start a momentum towards more self love and to the awakening that you don’t need anybody.
This illusion that narcissists create that they’re so needed, you know, let’s awaken to that illusion. Listen, you don’t need anybody but you. Okay? Don’t let anybody make you feel that you need them more than you need yourself.
So that’s it for now. Again, this is Athena Lucene. It’s my absolute joy to share with you and support you and on this journey of spiritual growth and conscious awakening and expansion.
That’s it for now. Abundant blessings and blissful moments.